Five ways to survive in Korea

A lesson in keeping up with the Koreans:

1. Eat Kimchi (and enjoy it). Kimchi aka the most famous side dish in Korea. A meal is not a meal, unless it's complete with rice and kimchi. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Let's be honest, kimchi does to Koreans what garlic does to Americans and Italians, seeps through your pores and makes you smell like you just walked out of a kimchi factory.When you first come to Korea, you're like, "YUCK, what is this stuff?" After six months, if you are craving it before lunch, and purchasing it to silently chow down on in your own home... the damage has been done (rightfully so). I would be lying if I said I didn't like kimchi, but surely it was an aquired taste and I did not love it instantly. However, I can attest to the fact that one of my most recent status updates on facebook read, "When one of your Korean friends sends you home with a tub full of kimchi, you're just like... WINNING!" Enough said.

2. Learn to answer four important questions accordingly.  A. How old are you?- This is most always the first question you will be asked in Korea.  It may seem strange at first, as you are used to a friendly, "how are you?" The truth is, that in Korea, hierarchy is super important down to how you greet someone (a formal hello to your elders, and a less formal way for people of the same age or younger). B. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?- Take it from me, lie. If you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend, just say you DO. Surely, if you say no, the follow question will be a surprised WHY and as it seems, Koreans (women especially) just cannot understand the logic behind, "I don't want one,"(there MUST be something wrong with you). It's becoming much more common in western culture for women, especially, to focus on themselves and it's truly okay to be happy alone or even to be PICKY about who you want to settle into a relationship with, but in Korea, it seems that it's just merely about not being alone.  It's guaranteed from the day you mention you are single, you will NEED a boyfriend, and they will take it upon theirsevles to remind you of this on a weekly basis.
C. Do you like Korean food/kimchi? It's not surprising that of the first four questions a Korean will ask you, one of the most important involves kimchi. Plan to answer accordingly (and by accordingly I mean, yes, you love kimchi) even if you secretly want to gag when you are in sitting at the same table as someone eating kimchi, you actually "really enjoy" it. They will be so impressed and you are instantly on the waygook A list. If you can eat kimchi and learn to enjoy it you will be just fine in Korea. Which brings me to the next question... D. Can you drink soju?  Koreans ask this question like it's some HUGE accomplishment if you say yes. They will then proceed to ask you HOW MANY BOTTLES you can drink. Soju is not just a drink, it's a part of a lifestyle and that lifestyle is just Korean culture in general.  Soju is rough, I won't lie... nothing worse than a soju hangover.  However, what's surprising to me is how impressed they are if you say yes.  Is it not understood that in America, England, etc we drink other forms of hard liquor that far surpass the toxicity of soju?  Perhaps we should instead challenge them back, "can YOU drink tequilla? Forget drinking soju and passing out on streets, drink tequilla and take off all your clothes. Hell, our country even made a song about it. See- Tequilla makes her clothes fall off. Perhaps Psy's next song should be "Soju makes him sleep on the sidewalk." Just kidding. But, if you can drink soju, you should attempt to (at least at work functions).  Your Korean coworkers will love nothing more than to drink soju with you, even if it's just a bit and you will surely inch your way up on the social ladder.



3. Use Chopsticks. Everyone who lives in Korea should learn to use chopsticks.  If you're not going to give it a go, why move to Korea? If you don't want to partake in the cultural experience and living styles of Koreans, then, go home. [We as foreigners have all been in this situation : You're sitting somewhere, frustrated & irritated while TRYING to master this  art, when suddenly you notice a little 5 year old Korean child. The child is blatantly staring you in the face, wondering, where on earth you come from and why you look so different. You are staring back, shamed by the fact that a five year old's fine motor skills seem to be far superior to yours. They use chopsticks like a champ, while you, once getting the chopsticks close to your face, have actually lost all the food that you were originally gripping. As you look down at the empty chopsticks and back to the child's face... you see them smiling & hear their evil villain voice ringing in your head, "Mwahahaha, stupid waygook."] You know what they say, "Practice makes perfect." Surely you will never forget how to use a fork, however, if you are of any ethnicity other than Korean, and you own one fork, or better, none, you're surely learning the Asian way. My fellow waygookin, we have all had our moment when we realized we had finally mastered the chopsticks. It's like a breath of fresh air... "I CAN DO IT!" Usually when you realize you've become talented in this area, you start challenging yourself and your friends. What can you pick up with your chopsticks? A single grain of rice? GOT IT. A napkin? No problem. Slimey cold soup noodles... well, that's just irritating and difficult. If you can do this, you are half Korean. If you have sat in your apartment and tried to pick up books, papers, laundry, plates, etc with your chopsticks... well, then you're just a foreigner who is entertained by their new talent (me).

4. Embrace the Korean language to the best of your ability: No one is saying that you need to go spend ridiculous amounts of money taking Korean classes in order to effectively communicate with Koreans. In fact, it's not necessary, you WILL find ways to communicate and the majority of Koreans will be able to help you in some way or another even if their English is minimal. However, take advantage of your Korean counterparts... let them teach you here and there. If you are a teacher, learn from your students, keep your ears open, you will pick things up.  Take it upon yourself to learn how to at least read and write hangul... it will make your life here a hell of a lot easier. I taught myself in two days at this website.  Things you should learn to say in Korean- My name is, I'm from, nice to meet you (works wonders when you run into your students' parents on the street), i don't know, be quiet and sit down (if you are a teacher), can i have water (beer/anything else), go straight, turn left, turn right (for taxi purposes), thank you, where is the bathroom (or any other place).  Surprisingly all of these phrases are fairly easy to master and will all go a long way. Surely, it never hurts to pick up a language exchange, however, females beware, usually men around the same age are interested in more than just a language exchange and then you've got a stage 5 clinger on your hands who know no English other than - "so beautiful," BARF.


5.Do not fear the subway: The subway is a beautiful thing, master it. A foreigner could probably write a full on book about adventures on  the subway in South Korea. Hopefully someone has and hopefully the chapters are full of intriguing stories about adjummas racing their carted goods around, hikers in matching outfits, and old men puking up soju remains in the corners.  As a foreigner who never used a subway in her life, the thought of finding my way through these massive subway stations without getting lost, gave me anxiety.  After a while, you realize, that it is literally impossible to get lost using the subway, but sometimes it IS hard to survive. First impressions: it's massive although easily navigable; people are like vultures trying to get seats (in fact, I can attest to the fact that I have seen old ladies sneer and gloat upon winning a two foot dash to an open seat); adjummas (old ladies) and adjushis (old men) literally have no problem throwing some punches or left elbows in order to get you out of their way (no shame); people fall asleep in the most awkward ways; staring contests are frequent and never ending, and there are times when you're literally too close for comfort and filing for harassment would be justified based on the amount of people who are actually touching your ass. Spooning has never been so unpleasant. At first you may feel intimidated. Learn how to push back. Don't take shit. You will probably get pushed around MORE than others because you are a foreigner in their country (this is especially true of the older generation).  However, don't be fooled, occassionally you will see the elderly push around younger Koreans as well, and you will catch their surprising glances of disbelief. This stuff just wouldn't fly in New York City without people throwing punches but for some reason some of these people think they are justified. Just roll your eyes and carry on, there are bigger battles to be fought. Dont' be afraid to fall asleep (all the while, missing your stop) unless you have somewhere important to be. Take advantage of the corner seats. What's worse than being stuffed between one person and a brass bar? Being stuffed between two people in giant winter coats. Stare back in the face of judgement. Some days it will piss you off beyond belief when someone is staring you straight in the face without looking away, but you can stare back, or start waving frantically/pretend to die/do something really studid. Some of my friends and I have taken the opportunity to draw more attention to ourselves, this includes sitting across from each other and making obnoxious gestures before getting off together, riding the subway with vampire fangs in our mouths and smiling at people, or singing Christmas carols aloud. Embrace the attention instead of being anger by it. The subway is an entire obstacle in itself, and although some days it can be irritating, other days you will love the entertainment, and you will always love the convenience.

It took me a year, but I have truly mastered this place.  All humor aside, after all the time I've spent here, I can say that I have really immersed myself in another culture and learned from it. I really made it a point to "keep up" with the Koreans by throwing myself into as many new situations as possible, trying everything, learning the language, and making Korean friends.  Anyone who is considering taking the leap to move to a completely different place, I say, go for it. You will not regret it and the things you learn about yourself and others will stay with you forever. I have a very special appreciation for Korea, Korean culture, and Korean people. Rock on, Korea.